Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
