Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize