Nicole vs. Life
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
