Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
