Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
