everyone is single if you try hard enough
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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