I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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