I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
