Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
