I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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