My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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