ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize