it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
