I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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