why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
