put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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