At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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