i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
