Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
