I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
