he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
