awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
