well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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