He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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