It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
where are my eyebrows?
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