I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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