It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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