kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
