I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
