WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
