i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize