Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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