i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize