I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
