you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
