if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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