I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
