"it" just moved
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
