A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
