O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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