How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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