I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
