i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
