i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
