She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
