I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize