Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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