Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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