did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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