There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
