Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
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