I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
