my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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