its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
