You really coming over, don't trick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
