dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
