i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This baby is an asshole
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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