i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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