I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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