Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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