They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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