A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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