Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
