who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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