So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
