Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
