i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize