so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Enjoy the penises
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
