may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had sex on a roof
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