He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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