You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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