I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
