pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
