Your face is a jimmy john
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
